slacktory: Another one from 20 Guys Trying to Bang a Total Psycho on OkCupid The backstory: Alyssa Kramer made a fake OkCupid profile for a horrible person. Dudes hit on her anyway. Reading this brings back horrible PTSD from my stint on OkCupid.  I mean, I ended up meeting the love of my life on that site, but not before going on tens of horrible dates with horrible guys and getting sexually harassed in my inbox.  

slacktory:

Another one from 20 Guys Trying to Bang a Total Psycho on OkCupid

The backstory: Alyssa Kramer made a fake OkCupid profile for a horrible person. Dudes hit on her anyway.

Reading this brings back horrible PTSD from my stint on OkCupid.  I mean, I ended up meeting the love of my life on that site, but not before going on tens of horrible dates with horrible guys and getting sexually harassed in my inbox.  

3 notes

I got deleted by one of Aaron’s aunts after a quote I posted by Ricky Gervais.  It essentially said that he didn’t care if someone believed in God, but he just preferred that those people didn’t kill people for not believing in their same God, or persecute people that were acting out of a biological imperative.  It was nice.  I just don’t understand people sometimes most times.  

I got deleted by one of Aaron’s aunts after a quote I posted by Ricky Gervais.  It essentially said that he didn’t care if someone believed in God, but he just preferred that those people didn’t kill people for not believing in their same God, or persecute people that were acting out of a biological imperative.  It was nice.  I just don’t understand people sometimes most times.  

(Source: iamnineonefour)

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  • Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
  • Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
  • Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
  • Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
  • Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
  • Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
  • Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
  • Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
  • Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
  • Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
  • Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
  • Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
  • Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
  • Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
  • Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
  • Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
  • Aaron and I like to make fun of this commercial constantly. Our Zooey is more of a Kristen Wiig Zooey. We meow like cats and repeat "I'm quirky" incessantly. If I believed in God, I'd thank him for giving us Zooey Deschanel to laugh at. But I don't, so I'll just thank her parents, bangs, and the manufacturers of fake lashes everywhere.

37,181 notes

Loose lips sink ships

Loose lips sink ships

It’s that weird time when all of my girlfriends have boyfriends.  Really awesome, fantastic boyfriends!  So….COUPLES RETREAT!Actually, we’re really going out to Hoodsport to get drunk at the little winery there.  And we’re staying at a little cottage for the weekend.  My little brother is going to be housesitting for me, in between shifts at Cheney Stadium. Let’s all cross our fingers that I come home to all three dogs, an ant-free kitchen (he has a knack for attracting ants whenever he house sits), and a house free of Madden playing 21 year olds.   

It’s that weird time when all of my girlfriends have boyfriends.  Really awesome, fantastic boyfriends!  So….COUPLES RETREAT!

Actually, we’re really going out to Hoodsport to get drunk at the little winery there.  And we’re staying at a little cottage for the weekend.  My little brother is going to be housesitting for me, in between shifts at Cheney Stadium. Let’s all cross our fingers that I come home to all three dogs, an ant-free kitchen (he has a knack for attracting ants whenever he house sits), and a house free of Madden playing 21 year olds.   

2 notes

timemagazine: The latest issue of TIME, featuring our cover story on the rise of attachment parenting, “Are You Mom Enough?” hits newsstands Friday. (On the cover: Jamie Grumet, 26, and her son, 3, whom she breastfeeds. Photograph by Martin Schoeller for TIME) Read more here. My friend visited me on Monday with her new baby (well 4 month old). We were talking about the politics of parenthood.  It’s crazy that every little thing you decide to do with your kid is making a statement.  Breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccinations, even using a stroller is making some sort of statement.  The stress!   However, we both agreed that the above is creepy as shit.  

timemagazine:

The latest issue of TIME, featuring our cover story on the rise of attachment parenting, “Are You Mom Enough?” hits newsstands Friday. 

(On the cover: Jamie Grumet, 26, and her son, 3, whom she breastfeeds. Photograph by Martin Schoeller for TIME)

Read more here.

My friend visited me on Monday with her new baby (well 4 month old). We were talking about the politics of parenthood.  It’s crazy that every little thing you decide to do with your kid is making a statement.  Breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccinations, even using a stroller is making some sort of statement.  The stress!  

However, we both agreed that the above is creepy as shit.  

357 notes

Gmail

Based upon the email content in my gmail, Google has started targeting advertisements for “Turn your dreams of becoming a Wedding Planner into a reality”.  Um, no.  I’m just a disillusioned MOH.  

Biology class was Can-can-cancelled!

I swear, the Dean is quickly becoming my new favorite.   

(Source: notliketheothers)

315 notes

shiny hair: I’m obsessed with 50 Shades — it’s the worst thing I’ve ever read....

shinyhair:

I’m obsessed with 50 Shades — it’s the worst thing I’ve ever read. That’s not meant to be braggy, this shit is just really that terrible. It’s factually inaccurate, repetitive and dumb. But, never mind all that…I can’t stop reading. These were my favorite terrible things I read this morning.

…

I just got to the part in the first book where he gives her the macbook pro.  She flips her shit when she learns she has an email address…wtf???  How did you survive college without an email address??  I started college in 1999 when we still had analog cell phones and had hotmail.  This bish graduated in 2011 without an email?  She’s the one who’s cray!

(Source: dirtysmellyhair)

5 notes

50 shades of…

Ugh….I have to admit, that I found the book compelling enough to keep me up till after midnight.  But I really only wanted to get to the part where he exposes his, uh, dungeon.  

Okay, number 1, the names are driving me crazy.  Christian Grey with the grey eyes.  Katherine Kavanaugh.  Anastasia Steele.  Number 2, this is like reading Twilight.  The only difference between the 2 is that Christian isn’t a vampire (that I know of?) and Ana doesn’t get knocked up the first time they bang.  3., even the worst lotus flower euphemism for a vagina is better than “and then he touched me…down there”.  4.  Manic-pixie dream girl trope has been replaced by the Bella Swan trope.  The girl is tall, skinny, clumsy, and impossibly gorgeous with absolutely no personality whatsoever.  But something about her gets all the boys to come a runnin’.  

I have to keep reminding myself that some Stephanie Meyer doppelganger has created this world where 27 year old guys have honed their craft and know exactly what to do to produce an orgasm.  I think the genre should be re-named erotic fantasy.  BECAUSE THIS SHIT WOULD NEVER IN A BAZILLION YEARS HAPPEN.  

I’ll try and make it through the book.  But ugh, this might be as bad as Tyra Banks attempt at YA fiction…

3 notes